Cold Nights

The sound of Morgan breathing, Daniel’s fingers on his keyboard, and the soft hum of the refrigerator must be the most soothing combination on Earth. We’re two inches from midnight and we should all be in bed but this is rare, the room being this quiet. We’re all sitting silently, absorbed in whatever is happening on our individual computer screens. Daniel, Adeliah, Morgan and I. Everyone else has gone to bed.


We don’t look forward to bedtime. I put on almost all of the layers in my tiny wardrobe, including a black sweatshirt I bought from the dollar store as well as my hoodie, neck guard and gloves. I usually put my sleeping bag in the dryer before going to bed, so that when I lay down in it it’s nice and warm. I wrap up in one fleece blanket inside my sleeping bag and then I throw another one over me, outside of my sleeping bag. I only go to bed when I’m exhausted enough to fall asleep right away. But every night, like clockwork, I wake up around 2 or 3 AM. The bitter cold creeps inside my sleeping bag and I feel it in my toes, though I’m wearing two pairs of socks. I feel it in my legs, though I’m wearing two pairs of sweatpants. I feel it all over. Cold. The kind of cold that makes you feel wet. I try hard not to squirm because Adeliah, on the bottom bunk can feel the bed shake every time I move. All the other girls are probably awake too. None of us are used to sleeping in such cold temperatures. But we all just lay there in the dark, hopelessly desperate for a little unconsciousness. But it’s cold. Freezing cold. And you can hear every little breeze blowing outside the tent. Can you feel it too or is that your imagination? Eventually the sun will come up and I’ll rush off to take a hot shower to get my blood flowing. But for now, while the weather is cold, the nights here on Kayam Farm are long and unpleasant. We don’t look forward to going to bed. Until I’m exhausted enough, I’ll sit right here and listen to the soft hum of the refrigerator, Daniel’s fingers on his keyboard and Morgan breathing. It’s soothing.